This week has been different! I’ve been moved from working with the students in the after-school-program to do practical things just because two of my co-workers can’t handle how I do my job with the one student with Autism… They have complained and think I am afraid of conflict which I’m not but that is how they see it… My body isn’t fit to stand and walk a lot without a rest on a chair after the blod cloth I had ten years back, and my back isn’t pleased either with the tasks. But I stand in it just because I know I will not continue work here after this Summer. That’s the only thing that keeps me going right now. Sad. Yes.
An other sad part in this situation, while the boy who needs predictability because his autism, he just has to come to terms with the fact that suddenly someone else is with him… 😦
But what can I do? My leader in after-school-program think I have the qualities and are the right person because I am creative, to sort the storage and make a structure that will be easy to continue. Which is nice to hear. But just the fact that I have to do other things when my co-workers can’t deal with how I work… well I can only say I think that is the wrong way to do it.
So I have talked out loud to the Lord about this and next time I meet my House Church I’ll ask for prayers.
I’ve felt an empthiness inside me for a while and now it’s even bigger. I haven’t been liking what I do in the School since October and now this… I only go to work because I can’t afford to stop. I don’t feel joy for work anymore. The only Joy I have now, when I have enough energy, is at home when I sew…. Which is sad!
Last year, when I worked with the yought I felt “done” already in February but this year has been worse!! To not feel joy at work at all is the worsed part of all things for me! To feel empthiness every day you go to work makes it hard to smile to those you work with! It makes it hard to force yourself to go to work.
My motivation is to look for a new job and apply when I find something I know I have experience from and know I can handle. But it is always the question, will I get to an interveiw? And when I got the job, how will it be with the co-workers?
Right now, my head is “groggy” after medication from migraine few hours back. So I only write to “vent” my brain. To get rid of all my thoughts. Empty my brain. But I just want to sleep or relax cause of the side-effects from the medication… which I will do after.
To be a Christian, to believe in this situation is rough. But I know my Lord wants the best for me so I stay in my path. I also know He will open up the right door or window for the next job. He always do. That is my comfort. My believe is on the rocks and I know and have to believe that He will help me.
Silver gives me comfort in all the ways he can <3. I don’t know what I would have done without him. Therefor is he in the featured image for this blog.
mia-simone. svenberg 