As more time I am working at Bore primary school and in the after school program I feel dissatisfaction. The only reason I felt when I got the job this were the “right door was open” were because I felt the Lord wanted me there for an other person. Which were right. It was one other assistent an Christian lady who has become my friend.
The sad part isn’t just that I don’t have any motivation anymore, no it is to go to work at this school because I don’t feel I am doing any good or using any of my skills and knowlegde. And the part of the 50% of my position which is in the after school program for the students. I like the students and I can only hope they like me. No the sad part is the adults there. They don’t trust me and my knowlegde when it comes to some disabilities and diagnosis and they don’t like the way I am use to work. But even more sad is they (most of them) are friendly face to face but repoort me to the manegement behind my back and saying I lack communication.
It has escalated so much that I really don’t like to be near them yet I have to work with them. In my head I am counting down to the day I am done there!
It is also a harsh enviroment to work at as an Christian. It was okay in the start but as far as the weeks goes it’s very clear it’s not a positive enviroment for me for many reasons. I have started to dislike my workplace. I can’t say I hate it but it’s close.
I feel like those rubbish bins, empty and alone. That’s the easiest way to put it.
I haven’t felt like this ever, when I have been working. I am exhausted and feel empty inside when I get home, just want to cry of sadness. I really need a change of workplace and I am asking the Lord for a good enviroment in my next job.
I stay in this job only because I can’t efford to go on sickleave and because I have a contract until June 30st.
I just know for fact that I will not work with so young students again, it’s not my place!! I am ment to be working with teenagers. Which is why I am applying for jobs in that area again and only that. It hasn’t been many jobs to apply to so far, just few and thos I have applyed too. I am writing an aplication in English those day’s to a British school in hope to get a “foot in there” and get even more experience. To expand my experience among youth.
In all this I struggle with a sad body and sad mind.
mia-simone. svenberg 