It’s May 9th today. I went to work with the 9 o’clock bus and got 15 min at work before I started. And were done 11:45 am. Not a very long day, which was perfect for me today. My “dear” Aslan (cat boy that was here on trial and was lucky to stay) woke me up 04:20 am this morning starting to play in my bed and later on the floor. I got angry cause I were tired and just wanted to sleep. He kept me awake for 30 minutes… I did fell a sleep again, but when my alarm clock woke me up I were so tired!!!!!!!! Not fun!
So when I finally were done at work, I knew I had to do something to stay awake for the rest of today. So I catched the train to Sandnes. Walked the few hundred meters to one of my favorited stores that sells mostly things to the household and some creative things. I used one hour in that store 🙂 Happiness!! All I needed. Found just what I had in mind. Some tubes with acryl paint, painting canvas one white and one black, one thin paintbrush, a small notebook with flowers on the front and a sketchpad, tiny tiny white pearls to my yellow dress 🙂 some kitchen tools, a flower pot for “the garden” and a tiny embroidery frame.
This is (the canvas) what I have spend time on since I came home today around 3 pm 🙂 .
I hope that I can use this notebook to write down both what makes me happy and sad to be able to get back to the person I am. But I need time! How my faith up in all this are effected and how to be more inspired through Christian music, bibleverses and more? How to get out well on “the other side” of this depression? How did I loose myself? Well this is what I hope I’ll manage to write down in this notebook that made me smile when I saw it.
Only by grace from the Lord will I be able to move forward and find myself again?!?
This week have I had my birthday at work on Wednesday, which my only wish were to hear the approxy 80 stundents in the 2nd grade to sing the Norwegian happy birthday song, which they did!! 🙂 It made my day 🙂 I normally don’t celebrate my birthday on the day if it’s not on a Friday or in the weekend. Mainly cause I don’t have many friends to celebrate with or a hubby/ or boyfriend.
I had a doctor appoinment May 5th, I got an sickleave for 50% and 22 day’s, if my leader at the after-school program don’t let me be off 50% my doctor will change it to 100% sickleave those 22 day’s. I really need to be off the after-school-program for a while. My doctor told me I got depression. That’s why I don’t have motivation, or smile or have any extra energy over. And I have felt like this off and on since October 22…. I haven’t had a job until now, where I have felt like this. But to be able to be on sickleave is good. I could probobly also be on 100% sickleave but then it would probobly feel like I had some kind of Holiday in my body. So 50% helps me in the way I get up to something and get out of the house and help some young students. I’ll meet with those colleges I like and don’t get negative feedback from. I still don’t like the age of students but now it’s only approxy 30 school day’s left with all the Holly day’s in May and June we have here in Norway.
I celebrated myself this Friday with sushi buffè in Stavanger after my doctor appoinment. The best Sushi I’ve eaten in many years :-). So totally worth the money!! But I am now keen to try out other sushi places in Stavanger and Sandnes – which is my town. I also forced myself to go out after the work day was over, went out with a new friend here in Sandnes. We went to one of the few places that still was open, Egon is a restaurante.I got an alcohol free drink called Passion Explotion and my friend got a baked potatoe with meat. We chatted and had a good time, sat for approxy 2,5 hours 🙂 . But wow I were so tired in my brain when I got home 😦 Got in bed before the normal time during a job-week!
Saturday I spent at home, realxing and sewing 🙂 . Just what I needed. And I think I also landed in the fact I am on sickleave too, in my head. Realizing how tired my brain gets after doing almost nothing… And how good I feel when I am working on a sewing project 🙂 . Which I did yesterday 🙂 . I were able to do quite a lot on my yellow summer dressI’ll show you how far I got. It was +16 C degrees and sunny outside I were indoors ^^haha^^.
I have during the last few months starting to getting to know few new people, some of them I can now call my new friends. They are both Christians and non-christians just like I like it.
I have had a hope of be able to start go to a church this year, so far I haven’t, mostly cause of headaches or other type of pain in my body during the weekends… but now it’s my brain… My body wants more then my brain can handle… It sucks! But I do ‘tend’ to online church most Sundays. Today I have worship on, on my laptop. Worship is something I also try to listen to on my way to work to re-fill my soul and heart. …You know the feeling when you know you slept enough but when you start doing something your eyes just want to close… ‘Tired brain syndrom’ . That’s how it’s right now, while I am writing… I just want to sleep a bit more… Maybe I go for a nap later. Maybe I’ll just try to continue on my sewing project we’ll see.
Do you know how hard it is to get “the picture” out and look just the same in real life? It’s hard. I am prefering to my yellow summer dress. I have a picture in my head of how I want it to look, but I can’t say I’ll manage to get it like that. Maybe when I am done. Which in that case would be marvelous and fantastic!! But I am getting there 🙂 If I only do small steps I know it will end up like my inner picture 🙂
mia-simone. svenberg 